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Old 11-08-10, 13:51   #1
Dream_Raider
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Talking Dream_Raider's writings/drawings :p

Well, I wrote this just now, and it may be a one-shot OR I may write more. Anyway, critique/advise:

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As she ran from the agitated men, Lia wondered why they were so bothered. The pouch couldnít have held that much money, after all. It was just a tiny pouch, barely big enough to fit in her palm. But she knew there was something special about it. There was no way that the boss himself would give her this assignment otherwise. She was actually quite disappointed, she had hoped for a greater challenge. Normally, she would have felt guilty, but she knew just by looking at the victims that they had most likely stolen it too. ****, she swore, as she saw them gaining on her.
She dashed down one of the narrow alleys and emerged in the town square. Running across it as quickly as she could, she burst into an old abandoned theatre at the corner. Taking deep breaths to calm herself, she unclenched her palm and looked at the small leather pouch. It didnít look like anything special, especially nothing the boss would be interested in. It wasnít that heavy either. She hesitated as she wondered whether to open it-the boss had explicitly told her not to do just that. And she was one of the best, she never disobeyed orders. Ever.
Something in the pouch seemed to call herÖ she could not help it, she just had to slip open the knot.
Sudden disturbances outside made her yelp and drop the pouch. A small stone rolled out of the pouch, under the theatre seats. She felt a slight pang of panic as she looked for the stone under the old, worn out theatre seats. Deep breaths, she thought, just calm down. You can even SEE the damn stone. No need to panic. She reached out for it, and curled her fingers around the stone.
As her fingers touched the stone, a quick jolt burst through her and she froze for an instant. Then the moment was gone, and she stared at the small stone in her hand, bewildered. What was that?, she thought, completely dumbfounded. She heard the commotion outside become louder as the men began to make a more violent search for her, and she shook it off. Iíll worry about The Mysterious Stone and Its Jolts later, she decided as she walked over to one of the theatre seats at the extreme end. She took the canvas bag kept below it, and began to take off her disguise.
She had worn one of her old shirts and a very old, ripped and basically destroyed pair of jeans to seem like a common street kid, and had even accentuated that by a messy wig of dirty blond hair. She took it off and shook out her dark mahogany-chocolate brown hair out from underneath. Oh, thank goodness Iím rid of that, she thought, I hate itchy wigs. She changed into a new pair of jeans and pulled a T-shirt over her head. She stuffed her old clothes into the bag, and carefully kept the pouch with the stone in it in her jeans pocket.
Oh, this is SO not a challenge, she snorted, it was so easy to steal and itís not even hard to conceal! Plugging earphones into her ear, she slung the bag over her shoulder, and carefully slipped out of the theatre, where she allowed the rushing crowd to jostle her into any direction they were heading for, as long as it was away from the men. She occasionally bopped her head to non-existent music from her earphones, accentuating the whole Ďjust-another-teenagerí effect.
From the corner of her eye, she saw a man with long dark hair, who she supposed was their leader, gesture to the rest to abandon the search. She relaxed her guard, not too much though, and turned her mind to the incident at the theatre as she made her way to the subway. What was that jolt?
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Okay, I know it's not much, but I dunno, I just really liked it because I'm in that mood just after completing a chapter or a drawing. I probably won't love it so much later. Oh well.
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Old 15-08-10, 10:56   #2
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She watched her Army sweeping through the Northern Battalion of Phoenix, and her lips twisted into a smile. An icy wind flew through the camp, playing with her blond hair, blowing it away from her face. She was a true picture of victory, hair flying and triumphant smile on her face. Her eyes danced at the prospect of controlling Eastland. Soon, her army would lay waste to Phoenix, and Eastland would be hers. Hers to use as she pleased. She watched numerous enemy soldiers fall prey to her dragons.

How foolish of them to invest in slow healing powers when a single magician would restore you to perfect health with one wave. Really, Phoenix was too strong a believer in the healing powers within the body. So, too much use of magic on the body caused a few officers to go senile. It didn’t change anything. They came to war by choice, they knew the risks. Death, madness, it was all the same, really. End of life as we know it, so it’s almost the same thing.

An unfamiliar war cry jolted her out of her reverie. Her cold blue eyes widened as she took in the scene before her eyes.

Hordes of phoenixes attacked her troops, and the Phoenix ground soldiers began to slay her dragons. Even those pathetic airborne Hercules’ were destroying her Air Fighters. The new warriors wore a slightly different shade of blue as their uniform. It was a lighter snowy blue. The Northern camps, she realized, with growing dread. They contacted their Northern camps for the Pincer Hold battle movement.

Phoenix had Draco trapped between their Central and Northern troops. Luna Ryme, reigning Queen of Draco went white with fear and dread, as another, more guttural battle cry sounded. Phoenix troops in Navy Blue swarmed in, and she recognized them as soldiers of the Southern Phoenix camps.

So caught up she had been in her moment of triumph, so intoxicated by the thought of controlling Eastland, that she had forgotten to take the necessary precautions while attacking enemy territory. She watched the Nine-tailed foxes possessing her soldiers, who proceeded to kill their own comrades. She saw the Vikings felled by the Ninjas, and the Shamans killing her Magicians who attempted to heal her dying army. She watched as her dragons and golems were slayed, and she collapsed on to the floor, cold in death.
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I wrote this one based on Mythical Warriors, a strategy game that's not awesome, per se, but I like it 'cause it was my first strategy game. It's not that famous, but I think it deserves a rating of 2.5/5. So yeah, I s'pose that's why it's not famous. Draco and Phoenix are two kingdoms in Eastland. Just so you know
And I made up the name myself. Ryme. I like Ryme.
(I wanted something to do with ice, so I typed in ice on google, clicked on the wiki link and skimmed through the article until i found a word I liked. i found rime, which I changed to Ryme, 'cause y'know it's awesome. Of course I'll be telling most people that I "researched" for a really long time till I found a name that I liked)
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Last edited by Dream_Raider; 16-08-10 at 16:38.
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Old 15-08-10, 16:36   #3
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You are a superb writer I particularly loved the first about the mysterious stone and the girl in the disguise! The description in both is excellent and I have nothing to fault with either of them

Good work! xx
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Old 16-08-10, 16:32   #4
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Thanks!!! Lol, I have to go get some sleep now, but I can't wait to catch up with Shadow!
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Old 16-08-10, 16:36   #5
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No problem, you're very talented! and nawhhh, you're so sweet
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Old 13-09-10, 06:36   #6
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New drawings...


Turns out my scanner isn't big enough, so I had to take pictures using my phone *sigh*

[IMG]http://i53.************/16c4bdc.jpg[/IMG]

Hindu Lord Ganesh/Ganpati

[IMG]http://i55.************/2uoi1e8.jpg[/IMG]

Princess Diana....ahe actually looks a little haughty in this

[IMG]http://i52.************/160u72o.jpg[/IMG]

Lol I know the lips are FLAWED..... *sigh*
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Old 09-02-12, 14:24   #7
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She looked up at the full moon as the wind whipped her light blonde hair across her face. Full moon, huh? she thought. Suitably dramatic. A wry smile on her face, the girl standing at the window took a deep breath, pausing to consider her decision. Her deep brown eyes shimmered with tears and she took another deep breath. It’s for the best. It’s the only thing to do. A quote from the morning newspaper flashed in her head. She shook off the thought and jumped.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

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I woke up gasping for breath, cold and sweaty. Dreaming about suicide, huh? Time to see the shrink. I couldn’t figure out why I’d be dreaming of suicide. My life was great, after all. Well, not great, but then again, whose is? Certainly not bad enough to commit suicide over. I shivered as I recalled the rush of cold air when I jumped. Nothing can be bad enough to commit suicide over. Rolling over, I tried to go back to sleep. But something about the dream kept bothering me, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. As I was slowly falling back to sleep, I heard a noise outside my window. Well, I’m not going to be able to sleep if I keep worrying about a demon entering through my window and sucking my soul out. Sighing, I got out of bed and looked at the clock. 5 A.M, huh? Thought it’d be earlier. Walking towards my window, I couldn’t help feeling a shiver of apprehension. Maybe I was going to be the girl who dies first in a horror movie. That’s the kind of crap my brain comes up with at 5 A.M, I thought as I shook my head. Tiptoeing to the window, I paused to I collect myself. I pulled back the curtains in one swift movement. Nothing. It was just my quiet neighbourhood staring back at me. It must’ve been a twig or something, maybe I imagined it. My mind is up to sinister stuff tonight, I thought as I looked up at the sky, breathing in the cool morning air. There was a full moon that had just begun waning in the night sky, and I counted seven stars. It was a pity starry skies were rare. There was nothing more beautiful. As I stared at the moon, I remembered my dream again. A light breeze picked up and my hair blew across my face. I gasped as I understood why the dream had felt alien, unreal. The strands of hair across my face in the dream had been blond, while my hair was a dark shade of brown. I’d felt shorter, and held myself differently. It was just not me. The surroundings were different, I hadn’t dreamt of jumping from my window or any place I’d seen before. What the hell was that dream about? Maybe I should stop watching Criminal Minds. And Supernatural. The breeze picked up as I shivered, so I closed my window and walked towards my door. I don’t think I’ll be spending too much time near windows any time in the near future. A cold shower and breakfast with coffee will make me feel better, I thought as I made my way to the bathroom. That coffee will have to be strong, though.

I’d spent about two hours awake, during which I’d brushed my teeth, taken a shower and gotten dressed – after which I didn’t know what to do with myself. So I lazed around and picked up one of my favourite books to read, putting it down within a few minutes. Feeling restless, I decided to go out for a walk, because having breakfast at 6.45 A.M would mess up my appetite. Just as I opened the door, the paper boy dropped off the newspaper. I picked it up and brought it back in the house, when my dad walked in. “Up early today, champ? Got a test coming up or something?” he asked, as he took the newspaper from me. “Um, no, nothing like that. I just happened to get up early.” I replied. “It happens!” I added at the look on my dad’s face. “Well ok, but I’m still suspicious,” he said. “Lia Summers doesn’t just “happen to get up early””. Chuckling, he sat down and opened up the newspaper. The big block letters at the bottom of the front page caught me off guard, and I snatched the paper from my dad.

TEENAGE GIRL JUMPS OFF BUILDING.

“Hey, you can’t just go snatching newspapers like that, kiddo-”

Vera Smith, a 16 year old girl, jumped off from the window of her apartment in…

“It’s sad how kids do that these days”, dad added looking over my shoulder to see the article. “They need someone in their lives to guide them, someone who ca-”

My dad’s voice faded into the background as I read the article. She had jumped off yesterday. The photograph showed a pretty blond, and they’d even included a picture of the building she lived in. It looked disturbingly familiar.

I handed the paper to my dad and hurriedly looked for the previous day’s newspaper. Flipping to the end, I reached the crossword page. There it was, the dismal Quote of the Day.

I need to drink my coffee now. Hot, strong coffee.

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Wow this feels like necro posting -_-

Yes, I know it's not perfect, some phrases are beginning to feel repetitive :|

Review if you want, I won't hold a gun against your head, but tell me if you read it ^.^
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